Whackos Always Make the Papers

Times are hard and stereotypes are broken. A Sacramento Sheriff's Department Team recently arrested a 79-year-old man fro selling heroin. When arrested, he was found in possession of $36,000 of heroin, a handgun and $700 in stolen Hometown Buffet gift cards. As law enforcement surrounded his home, the man opened his door and yelled "Get off my lawn you little whipper snappers!"
Lee Redmond, a woman who hadn't cut her fingernails since 1979 and held the Guinness Book of World Records has lost her title due to damage in a Salt Lake City car accident. Good news is she can eat solid food again AND use the toilet. *** An article in yesterdays newspaper about the health benefits of couples supporting each other presented a very different topic in it's title. The story headline which read 'Joint medical care part of caring, doctors say,' pretty much says that your doctor CAN perscribe marijuana and if you call now - you'll get a box of rolling papers and autographed 8X10 of Michael Phelps. I know, I know. Go easy on the poor Olympic record holder, after all, he only made a Bong decission. ***
Though Ashton Kutcher was out of the country at the time, drivers in Collinsville, ILL have been punked with altered traffic signs. Pranksters here and in a few others states have hacked into electronic road signs, normally used for Amber alerts and traffic alerts, were changed to read 'Daily Lane Closures Due To Zombies,' Raptors Ahead,' and 'Zombies In The Area, RUN!' A spokesman for the Illinois Transportation Department said "We don't want (drivers) being distracted by a funny sign." Oh yeah, well then let's get rid of those 'Falling Rock" signs.
Live long and prosper but don't piss him off. Police in Colorado Springs, Colo, are looking for a man who used a Star Trek style Klingon sword in attempted robberies at area stores. Can't find the guy? How hard is it to track down a balding guy over 40 who lives in their parents' basement and has never dated.