Where's My Shows

It's hard enough adjusting to a new life in LA but can't TV channels stay the same. Just how am I supposed to get through the day without my doses of People's Court and Judge Judy. Although not having cable yet does make it difficult to find your regular programming among only five channels. yes only five. Well, to be accurate there are actually 36 more but sadly I can't undertand Mandarin, Tagolog, Viet Namese, Russian, Serbian and any of the languages in which those stations broadcast. I must admit my surprise to learn that Jerry Springer is still on the air. I guess there must still be an audience for that kind of thing. After all, not everybody can afford season tickets to cage fighting.

We Need Costco Greeters with Cattle Prods

Though I wish I could blame it on having lost a bet, today was my first time in a Costco in over 12 years. An easy task it was not. Sure, you expect long lines and delays to check out but the simple act of entering the building is quite the challenge. I had forgotten about the plethora of idiots who simple stop, DEAD in their tracks, right in the doorway to fish through their purse looking for their Costco membership card. But adding to this density of flesh are the 21st century post lobotomy patients who must also freeze frame to check their text messages or facebook pages from their I-phone. News flash world - YOU AREN'T THE ONLY PERSON SHOPPING TODAY!

That's Art?

OMG, it's the end of the world for certain. On the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, he just unveiled a life sized sculptured bust of himself made of white chocolate with bacon for his hair. Now I know why I never watched his old show. Besides, he didn't even say if it was Kosher bacon.

Almost Complete

I'm so excited. All my stuff arrived from Sacramento on Saturday. Well, almost. Even though two items weren't checked off on the inventory, the mover/driver said "well, here's 4 boxes without numbers, so the missing two must be two of those. So I signed off. Then he calls me last night, after emptying the van in San Diego to say he found the other two boxes and wanted to drop them off today, on his way back up to Sacramento.
Surprise, surprise. It ended up being FOUR more boxes and my tool box. Of course if I were a lesbian, I would have noticed that my tool box hadn't arrived.

Birthday Brunch

I can't think of a better way to celebrate my first 24 hours as an LA resident than celebrating my Dino's birthday. It was a perfect day to drive down to Long Beach and where we enjoyed Brunch on the Queen Mary.

Wrong Censoring

I just opened the latest issue of US Weekly and was shocked at a photo of Paulina Porizkova and husband Ric Ocasek on the beach. Paulina, a former super model is topless with a censored tag over her chest, provided by the magazine. I must say, I'm apalled. The magagzine's censor should have covered the image of her 60 year old husband's frighteningly skinny, saggy and scarry body in a bathing suit. One can't help but wish this former lead singer of the group The Cars would simply stay in the back seat of his when he goes to the beach....OK, I'm still trying to fully comprehend this one. Japanese astronaut, Koichi Wakata, returned to Earth after a solid month on the space station, with the underwear he wore for a solid month. The special Japanese made underwear, called J-Wear is a new type of anti-bacterial, water-absorbing, odor eliminating clothing designed for space travel. Wow. I wasn't aware the was an underwear problem for astronauts. and besides, do Japanese mothers never tell there children when they leave the house, "where clean under wear, where clean underwear." Which is usually followed by the cliched phrase "and look both ways.," Oh, common, who looks both ways, especially in space.

New Frontier

Tomorrow's the day. My belongings are supposed to be delivered by Bekins. However it may take 6 hours or more as the mover/driver says he will be alone to unload the truck.

Final Night

Final night in my Sacramento apartment. Tomorrow the movers come to pack and load (not to be confused with "lock and load") and when my stuff arrives on Saturday or Monday, I'll be permantly living in LA. Lesson #1, you are never too old for new adventures.

Reception by CARP

news comes from Asia of a 107 year old Chinese woman who feared she would never be married and is now engaged to a younger man. He's 106. I wonder what the Chinese word for Cougar, is and is the Chinese version of American Association of Retired Persons called 'CARP?' They've chosen a Spring wedding and will exchange pace makers by the ocean.

Opinions are Crap

The national uproar by the poorly informed responding to the Obama administration's effort to revamp health care reminds me, you aren't entitled to your own opinion. An uninformed opinion is meaningless. Yet those with the loudest voices are the ones propogating the lies from the rumor mill, covering such things as the government will require you to end your life when you become old. I hope all these people who believe such stupidity, have mailed their $5,000 to cover the taxes on their Nigerian lottery winnings.

A Brave New World

Living in LA, I have discovered the intricacies of driving on Socal streets and freeways. When on the freeway, if you use your turn signal it tells drivers next to you to speed up. At a green traffic light, if you are the 5th car or further back in line, you will it turn red at least twice before you get through the intersection. And for pedestrians, walk and don't walk signals are nothing more than pretty lights on a pole.

Personal Zip Codes

Excessive horizontal body trends continue in the south as a just released report points fingers of concern at the state of Mississippi. Turns out the hard to spell gem of the confedracy has the highest percentage of both adult and child obesity in the nation, followed by Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee. Now who said that the expression big fat redneck was offensive, cause it sure is accurate. *** The latest media obsession is all the coverage about how Rush Limbaugh has lost almost 60lbs in six months. Though the obvious comment would be that he'd loose the most weight if he cut off his head but mouths are a flutter as to how he did it. Well, obviously once an Oxy addict the next step is crack addict. There! Mystery solved. ***